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Feminism vs. Femininity 

This is the post excerpt.

Let me start off by saying that I support the feminist causes. 

1. I believe women should be able to get paid the same amount as a man for equal work.

2. Women should have control over our own bodies.

3. Women should be able to take care of themselves with or without a man. 

4. I am a strong, empowered, and independent woman. 

5. I love football more than some men. 

6. I’m successful in my career and I’ve been paying my own bills for the majority of my life. 

7. I have travelled alone more times than I haven’t. 

8. I like to wear pants but I also like to have the option to wear skirts. 

9. I love shopping at Victoria Secret for ME even if no one else will ever see the things that I buy. I shop for ME. 

10. I don’t believe in being overly promiscuous.

11. I don’t feel comfortable talking about sex to many people because frankly  I think it’s trashy. 

12. I am still hoping to find a REAL man whose name I want to take. 

13. I don’t like to cook but I can and I’m not too shabby at it. 

14. I like to clean when I have time. 

15. I like being taken out for dinner without needing my wallet. 

16. I wear my title of “mom” proudly. 

17. I love when men hold doors open and offer to carry heavy objects.

18. I appreciate men who respect women. 

19. I’m extremely ashamed to admit  any of that!

20. I like a man who is strong. If I’m in a relationship, I like the kind of guy who’s not afraid to grab my hand, pull me into him and kiss me without asking permission. 

21. I like a man who knows what he wants, and doesn’t apologize for it. 

22. I hope to everntually marry a man who will provide for me one day, out of want, not obligation. 

23. I love it when a man prefers to drive while I ride shot gun.

24. I am an extremely feminine feminist. I’m not embarrassed to say that I wear pretty bra and I shave every day (well almost) because not shaving is gross.

So there. My secret is out. 

I want to die but I’m not suicidal

Death but not by suicide. Depression

I want to die but I’m not suicidal. I’m just so tired of fighting for the basic necessities in life. Nothing is free. If I died today, it would cost more to bury me than I will ever have the money to do it.

I have been struggling my whole life. Nothing is ever easy. Everything takes effort. Sometimes I don’t even know how I made it through the morning just to get out the door.

Everyone else makes things look so easy, so fun. They always seem to have an endless supply of energy. While I am doing everything I can to just go to work and come home and do the basic upkeep on my shithole of a rental.

Everything I own is ruined by mold, dust, clumpy cat hair or just plain old. I don’t have the money to replace anything.

I suck at life. How much longer do I have to do this?

If I could only tell you

How I really feel. If I could just say how I feel without judgment and without a response from you. You don’t need to fix me or make me feel better or even try to pretend like you understand. You don’t. You can’t. And I don’t want you to. I just want to be heard. 

I carry this burden every where. Every day. If I could only tell you. 

Too unimpressed to care

“You become a house where the wind blows straight through, because no one bothers the crack in the window or lock on the door, and you’re the house where people come and go as they please, because you’re simply too unimpressed to care. You let people in who you really shouldn’t let in, and you let them walk around for a while, use your bed and use your books, and await the day when they simply get bored and leave. You’re still not bothered, though you knew they shouldn’t have been let in in the first place, but still you just sit there, apathetic like a beggar in the desert.”
Charlotte Eriksson, You’re Doing Just Fine