Do you ever

During a conversation with an acquaintance, do you ever just think about how they would never accept you for who you truly are if they actually knew you? 

People judge others based on appearance and material possessions (we all do this… myself included). I guess I’m really good at hiding because most people just assume I have it good and that I’ve always had it good. In reality, I live in a house that is less than 600 sq ft and has only 2 small closets… and I’m always cleaning black mold out of the basement and from around the windows and floor boards…. because … well … because I don’t make a lot of money and I live in an area with an extremely high cost of living. 

Usually at least once a year, in the winter, I go without heat for about one month because my landlord is lazy and won’t fix the central heating. Why do I stay here? Because I don’t have the money to move, nor do I want to ask anyone to help me because frankly there isn’t anyone to ask. 

I don’t want any pity. I’m not homeless or hungry  and….I’m not in an unhappy relationship anymore. I’ve actually conditioned every one to stop asking me if I’m ever going to get remarried. I spend most weekends at home in sweat pants and I like it that way. So why don’t I want to tell people that those are my plans for the weekend? Because people judge. I blend in well and I guess they assume that I live the way they do… from one obligations or social event to the next. Pretending and avoiding is easier than explaining. 

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So you’re having a baby

Every once in a while you will text me out of the blue. I’m assuming it’s when you need an ego stroke or you’re feeling particularly insecure about something. 

You say you want to be friends but we have to keep it a secret because your wife would be upset. I don’t respond. I never do. It doesn’t stop you from texting. I doubt you’ll ever give up. It’s not your style. But it’s more about you than me. 

I saw one of our mutual friends and they told me the good news that your wife is pregnant and you’re having a baby. Good for you. 

I bet she doesn’t know you won’t stop texting me. Just like she doesn’t know that I never respond. Even though I want to. I don’t. I miss you. I hate that you’re married and having a baby. But what I hate the most is that I was right about you. 

You’ll always be mine 

My phone alerted me that I received a text message… and then another … and another. I looked down and it was him. 

The text said, “I dreamt of you last night. We were together. We were happy. I miss you. You’all always be mine. I don’t care what you say.” 

We broke up 6 years ago. He’s married to someone else. 

I didn’t respond but I wanted to. 

Feminism vs. Femininity 

This is the post excerpt.

Let me start off by saying that I support the feminist causes. 

1. I believe women should be able to get paid the same amount as a man for equal work.

2. Women should have control over our own bodies.

3. Women should be able to take care of themselves with or without a man. 

4. I am a strong, empowered, and independent woman. 

5. I love football more than some men. 

6. I’m successful in my career and I’ve been paying my own bills for the majority of my life. 

7. I have travelled alone more times than I haven’t. 

8. I like to wear pants but I also like to have the option to wear skirts. 

9. I love shopping at Victoria Secret for ME even if no one else will ever see the things that I buy. I shop for ME. 

10. I don’t believe in being overly promiscuous.

11. I don’t feel comfortable talking about sex to many people because frankly  I think it’s trashy. 

12. I am still hoping to find a REAL man whose name I want to take. 

13. I don’t like to cook but I can and I’m not too shabby at it. 

14. I like to clean when I have time. 

15. I like being taken out for dinner without needing my wallet. 

16. I wear my title of “mom” proudly. 

17. I love when men hold doors open and offer to carry heavy objects.

18. I appreciate men who respect women. 

19. I’m extremely ashamed to admit  any of that!

20. I like a man who is strong. If I’m in a relationship, I like the kind of guy who’s not afraid to grab my hand, pull me into him and kiss me without asking permission. 

21. I like a man who knows what he wants, and doesn’t apologize for it. 

22. I hope to everntually marry a man who will provide for me one day, out of want, not obligation. 

23. I love it when a man prefers to drive while I ride shot gun.

24. I am an extremely feminine feminist. I’m not embarrassed to say that I wear pretty bra and I shave every day (well almost) because not shaving is gross.

So there. My secret is out.