If I could only tell you

How I really feel. If I could just say how I feel without judgment and without a response from you. You don’t need to fix me or make me feel better or even try to pretend like you understand. You don’t. You can’t. And I don’t want you to. I just want to be heard. 

I carry this burden every where. Every day. If I could only tell you. 


Too unimpressed to care

“You become a house where the wind blows straight through, because no one bothers the crack in the window or lock on the door, and you’re the house where people come and go as they please, because you’re simply too unimpressed to care. You let people in who you really shouldn’t let in, and you let them walk around for a while, use your bed and use your books, and await the day when they simply get bored and leave. You’re still not bothered, though you knew they shouldn’t have been let in in the first place, but still you just sit there, apathetic like a beggar in the desert.”
Charlotte Eriksson, You’re Doing Just Fine

Dreamt of you

Last night I dreamt of you. We were together. Not broken. 

I never meant anything to you. I was just someone filling a space, mending your brokenness. I wasn’t your first choice or even your second… I was your only option. You never said that but I knew it…..

It’s funny how our minds and hearts convince us of things that aren’t and could never be true. Only I’m not laughing. 

When I finally woke up, it was like leaving California again…. knowing that if I ever return, you won’t be there.